Dang, I'm in a pissy mood today. I can't decide if it's my hormones, or missing David, or having too much to do, or not looking pregnant enough, or feeling fat, or perhaps my needy intern. Whatever it is, I am cranky.
My Brownie troop bridged last night to Juniors. I have been with the same group of girls since they were entering first grade and were barely reading. Now, they are a funny and random mixed bag of personalities--mouthing off to their Moms, telling me about the stupid boys in their class, giggling in a way that makes me laugh too, reading like champs and singing random songs off the top of their little heads. As absent as I've been lately, my favorites still broke from their very organized circle when I arrived (late) and ran to hug me and tell me they missed me. I've also grown quite close to their mothers, a wonderful group of women who make me look forward to being a Mom myself.
I'll say it. I cried when I got home. Hard. I just don't see how I can continue to give of myself as a girl scout leader next year when I know I'm going to want to be home with Baby Cute as much as possible. My co-leader Susan is being very understanding and has recruited several new co-leaders so I can come and go as I please, but things just won't be the same. Ugh, this may be the first sign of Mommy Guilt.
In happier news, David is doing wonderfully in Minnesota. They are working 12+-hour days and he has been falling asleep while reviewing more papers before going to sleep at night, but he has a cheery, happy lilt in his voice and is really enjoying his co-workers and their time together. I miss him a lot, but knowing that he is happy and I am busy makes this much easier. Plus, Runa has finally figured out that he is not coming home right away and this means she can sleep on his side of the bed without me noticing. She started out in her kitty bed last night, but made her way to the foot of the bed by the time I woke up. She is a spoiled, spoiled kitty.
I'm downright jealous of other 22-week pregnant Moms. It seems preggo women are everywhere--in the grocery store, at the park last night... and I haven't even been to the baby store yet. I just feel fat. I don't look pregnant, although lots of nice people will tell me I do. I keep reminding myself that in another month or two I'm going to wish I had the option of looking pregnant or not depending on what I wear, but I'm tired of being an awkward in-between. To prove I'm not just whiny, check out Baby Gaga's Calendar Girls. Those 22 week preggos LOOK preggo.
I'm typically a self-confident person. I based too much of my self-worth as a younger person on my size and I am happier mentally and healthier physically when I don't beat myself up about my weight. It just seems like so much of pregnancy focuses on your belly size, and I feel held back because I can't feel Baby Cute from the outside yet and I feel dumpy and fat instead of glowy and pregnant.
Eh, ask me again tomorrow and I'll tell you how overjoyed and blessed I feel. Today is just a hormonal day.
Finally, let me give a shout-out to God for blessing me with amazing 60/70 degree days this week. When I'm not hot, I'm not puffy. When I'm not puffy my shoes fit and I'm more comfortable in my own skin. Tomorrow's forecast is for 90+ degrees, but I figure I just got bumped on God's priority totem pole for someone who is planning a pool party or a water balloon fight. I can deal, I have just really appreciated these last few days.
Baby Cute is a foot long now. This makes me think of foot-long hot dogs and wish I had brought hot dogs instead of salad for lunch today. But I digress. Twenty-two week today, folks. We are growing fingernails, getting REM sleep patterns and getting wrinkly. Note to my Dad--wrinkles and good. More wrinkles=fatter baby.
Sorry to be so cranky, all. I'll perk up before I post again.
BabyCenter: Your baby now looks like a miniature newborn, checking in at 10.9 inches and almost 1 pound. Her skin will continue to appear wrinkled until she gains enough weight to fill it out, and the fine hair (lanugo) that covers her head and body is now visible. Her lips are becoming more distinct, and the first signs of teeth are appearing as buds beneath her gum line. Her eyes are developed, though the iris (the colored part of the eye) still lacks pigment. Eyelids and eyebrows are in place, and her pancreas, essential for hormone production, is developing steadily.
BabyGaga: The grow must go on! No wonder you’re getting so big, you’re now housing a wonder baby-- (that weighs nearly a pound and measures nearly a whole foot in length (30.5 cm). Their perfect little pancreas is now further developed and they’ve also started producing their own hormones! Your baby's future in the circus as a world-famous tight-rope-walker is secure: their inner ear is now developed to the point that they have their own sense of balance. Lucky for your little explorer, balance also promotes physical dexterity, which has them actively feeling out their surroundings—where skin, body parts and umbilical cord are the big sensory experiences. Your foot-long baby, is looking a bit like an oversized raisin right now as more and more wrinkles are showing up each week. Not to worry, all that excessive wrinkling is just their skin’s way of planning ahead for the time when they’ll start piling on that irresistible baby chub.
3 comments:
Hang in there!
Those girls don't look very pregnant. Half of them had to frame their stomachs with their hands to prove it.
Hang in there! : )
try not to worry too much about weight or belly size. there are a few preggo moms in my mom's group that have LOST 20 or more pounds so far in their pregnancy- so people probably keep going up to them NEVER imagining they're pregnant. Then there are a few who have babies a year or more old, that keep getting people asking them when their baby is due....also not fun! everyone has issues with looking not pregnant enough or too pregnant at some point or another-you're not alone!
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